Back when I was young and naive, I had dreams about making it in the music business. I mean I knew I wouldn't sell anything like the more popular fodder that everyone was always ranting about but some of the underground bands were starting to get noticed. If they could get some attention, why not me? Unfortunately I couldn’t find anyone back then who would play my type of music. But now that I think about it, it was a blessing. I wasn't ready and I'm pretty sure I would have crashed and burned.

For many years, I kept that dream alive in the back of my head until 2000 when I joined my friends band as the second guitarist. Finally, it looked like things were going to go well. I was finally with some talented musicians (The only exception being a half wit keyboardist.) who had the drive to do something different, something amazing. I should have known that things don't always go the way we plan them. While the band was hot on the MP3 album charts, we couldn't sell any music. What the fuck? Number 9 and 15 and we didn’t sell any of the latest album? Back then, illegal downloading was starting to rear it's ugly head. Nobody wanted to pay for music. I mean why pay $15 for a CD when you get something for free? This coupled with personal reasons which I won‘t go into, lead to the demise of the band.

I think that was the first in a series of disappointments that broke me. Any hope of having any kind of success turned into one big pipe dream. Even when I was doing the Black Sunday Cult stuff years later, I knew that I wasn't going to make a ton of money off of it. I think, back then, I was doing it more for myself but I still wished I would have gotten off the ground a bit further.

Now with The Choir of Blood Despised, I have the same attitude. Especially, since the music business is completely ass backwards now. I mean, you can hardly make money off your own shows even if you’re signed. How fucked up is that? Sitting here thinking about all of this, I know I'm not going to get rich. I won’t be touring or doing any kind of shows. I'll most likely be selling music on itunes or Amazon but I'll still have to work that 9 to 5 job.

The dream of being successful as a musician is dead.