O.k., screw it. I'm really bored. Here's what I want you to do, guinea pi---Hahahahaha! I mean gentle readers!

First, watch this high quality film from my personal collection as many times as you can stomach. It has to be more than once though.

Next, you have to assail those pesky ears with...

...THIS!

Yes, that's right! You must endure the horror of Don Johnson's 1986 hit "Heartbeat!" But not forwards! Oh no, no, no. Backwards is the Devil's way so let's get crackin'.

And finally... Finally... You have eat a whole tub of lard. Yes, you're reading it right. Lard: The Friendly Heart Stopper! Doesn't it sound delish? Oh, and make sure you do it quickly. The faster, the better. And please make sure to ignore any hallucinations you might have.

By now, you're probably a sobbing mess. But that's alright! The next blog site is just a click away. Now, it case this doesn't work (And most likely it won't.), you can't hold me in any way responsible for any physical and/or mental damage you might have suffered during this trying ordeal. Dem's da rules, kids! Now go!